On a night of what I thought was unbearable heat and absolutely nothing else, I began to look through the pages full of words I hadn’t read for months. They were my own words; refreshing little tangents in an everyday that is ever-changing, ever-moving, ever-growing as life rolls along in this magical place I now call my home. Bob Marley was demanding his soul satisfied as I collected from my shelf of notebooks the Paolo Coelho yearly planner for 2011 - the one I was going to fill out until December 31st when 2012 would come to a beginning. I stopped completing the diary on April 14th, three days after my 20th birthday, for reasons not unknown, but still vague and now distant somehow. The pages had remained blank, and as I looked through the diary I could almost feel a sentiment of sorrow at those pieces of white that were somehow lost to me.
At the turn of every blank month, however, was a word. May: Creativity. June: Independence. July: Acknowledgement. August: Wisdom. September: Decency. October: Justice. When I came to the month I found myself in - six months of empty later - the word read understanding, and I came to realise that those past words were in themselves satisfactory enough to allow me the remembrance of half a year gone by. Opening up to new things and crafting a new life in May; coming to terms with pain and misery in June, but yet deciding to break free from the horrid circle of self-blame for a time so short and yet so significant that it still astounds me now. Feeling peaceful and happy in July and allowing for all those little things the universe sends you to come right along and hit you with all their might, while enjoying the beautiful company of someone from home. Growing up in August and September, and moving further and further towards a comfortable place of self respect and self appreciation; being free and independent and my own in October. It was amazing to me that although three quarters of a journal had remained unfilled, I could still piece together the amazing journey this year has come to be in the now completely magnificent life I lead. I am thankful for all those experiences that live only in my mind and soul, and feel gloriously excited for the ones I will soon have on the other side of the world in December, being the month of meaning.
It’s been a good year.